Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Mechanic(s)

How do I write a love letter to you?

When you don't see me. Won't know me. Look so far into me that I can't breathe. Hesitate by the doorway waiting for me to say something perfect. Imperfect. God, I don't know.

Why do I feel like I know you when I don't know you? And why does it feel like home when you are close to me, yet we are just becoming friends?

What are you thinking, calm cool collected? Why are you watching sunsets without me? Do you know how much I want to know the things about you? Not everything. Not ever everything. Just some things. Something insignificant that not many others know. Something elementary like the way your heart sounds against my ear.

This is so hard. So difficult. And sometimes you look at me and I see it. You. A stray thought about this or that connecting thread. Other times, you just don't look and I can't understand how you stay away.

It's not love. It's not love. But, it's something real anyway. And I can't figure it out without you.

3 comments:

Michael said...

I go back to the wisdom of Henry's mother.

Henry was a former coworker of mine, who was approaching 40 at the time, not married and not in a relationship. He said he told his mother once that he was meeting a coworker for drinks after work.

"Is this a girlfriend?" she asked hopefully.

"No, Mom, just a friend."

"What, you think you're going to marry your enemy?"

Point being, that's where it all starts. Every relationship I've ever had started that way, and probably the same for you.

Try to breathe and be friendly, in that order. It will happen.

k said...

Michael, I am always so thankful for your perspective. I like Henry's mom. I hope that you are right. :)

wednesday said...

"Try to breathe, and be friendly..." Probably the best advice I have ever read.